so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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