Your tits are I can't wait for
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
