so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
