Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
