My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
