Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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