Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
