She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
