a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize