We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
