There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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