I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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