So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
