Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
