I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
