There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
