I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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