I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
