I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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