I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
