I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
