was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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