you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
