How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize