we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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