You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
