just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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