i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
