sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
