Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
