If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
