U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
