6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize