i think my mom watched the whole time
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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