Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
