she was so not down for the gang bang
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
