First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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