so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
