Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
