She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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