at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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