I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So vagazzling was a success
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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