Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
