I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
