I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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