the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
