Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize