none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
