there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
