now i know why i became what i already was.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
