Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
