you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
