You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize