Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
