your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
