I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
