I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
