sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i think i just lost a toe
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
