I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
