Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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