That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
