I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
