Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
