I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
