a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
