Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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