Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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