I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
