I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
