There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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