You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
