My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
