Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
